I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
