You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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