I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
