I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
