Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
