i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
