But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
cat food counts as protein by the way
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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