I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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