I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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