Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
