Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
