We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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