enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
