Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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