There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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