I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
