If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
