Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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