I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
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