just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
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