She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
