im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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