If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
