i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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