why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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