there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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