Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
