I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
