I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
