You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
