man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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