Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
