Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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