If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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