The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Did we literally take a cab across the street
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
