the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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