Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
