She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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