Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
