he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
