Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
