Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
