Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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