Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
