Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
