Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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