Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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