**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
