You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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