Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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