If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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