My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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