I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
