I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
