Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
