when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
